Style, Ego and Anxiety
I had a much better day today. Although I slept in and didn’t get to write in the morning like I wanted to, I bounced back from a poor sleep caused by too much caffeine like a champ. I managed to iron, shower, eat and get fuel in my car within an hour of waking up, which might be a record for me. I took a wide swing with a style choice today and it paid off in droves.
Sometimes I’m worried that I’m too… extra at work. I don’t know what’s gotten in to me, but for lack of a better term, I feel inappropriate. I say a lot of things at work, and it’s getting a bit much for my own liking. Maybe it’s the fact I finally feel unattached in my head, or the dangerous ego inflation I get at work. There’s a woman in another department, who when I complimented her blouse, she mentioned that everyone was “pumping her tires” about it. That’s the environment I work in—everyone appreciates and notices everyone. They are what push me to step it up, in both my awareness of the people I spend my days with, and in presenting myself. But, there’s a nasty little part of my personality that mainlines the compliments into the bad part of my ego.
I love showing up in new outfits, or changing something—glasses, hair, etc., because the next day at work is always starts very nicely. Women with symmetrical faces tell me I look good and tall women tell me I’m looking dapper. It’s a wonderful feeling that straightens my back for the day and fills me with confidence—the problem I face though, is how comfortable I get with my speech in the workplace. It’s what leads to the nature of my comments and jokes, and I have to figure out how to reign it in. I feel like it’s going to get me into trouble, and to be completely honest, I’m a little surprised it hasn’t already, it’s really gotten away from me once or twice.
But, I also worry too much about things I’ve said. Sometimes I lay awake in bed in replaying everything over and over, winding myself up. I think it’s in my head, but it’s good to be proactive, right? I just never want to make anyone uncomfortable. That’s the root of it all. I think I’ll figure it out.
See you tomorrow.
The aforementioned wide swing I took in style today was to roll up the cuffs on my blazer and fold the cuffs of my shirt over them. It gave a real dimension an otherwise flat black blazer and made the fit pretty well perfect. The fact the shirt was blue and fit well on its own made the combo a real knock out. This one is definitely being filed under “power outfit.”
The blazer is from RW&CO. (no surprise there), the shirt is another Denver Hayes, and I wore them with grey chinos (#chinos4lyfe), a black belt and black shoes with my electric palm tree socks. My glasses are from a line called Success.