I need a shake up. Something that really gets me out of my comfort zone, but still lets me create. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been thinking about dance lately. Secret confession time: I’d love to take an erotic dancing class. Magic Mike is such a sexy movie, and when I saw those fire fighters on Queer Eye taking a class for that type of dancing—it planted a deep seed in my brain. Now, don’t get me wrong, if I lived in Edmonton, I’d feel a lot freer to start looking for stuff like this, but Grande Prairie doesn’t seem like the type of town to have something like this offered. So, I fall back onto swing dancing. Fuck I’d love to go swing dancing—take a class and all that stuff. I’m going to look into that, I’m so damn tired of being bored.
The thing about writing is that the only way to get better at it is to grind it out. Do all the writing you can, but the catch is that to have anything to write about, you have to stop writing and go live life. There’s projects that I have in my head that I’d love to do, because it turns something I want to do into something to write about. That’s a ways away from happening. Right now, I’m trying to just steer my life into something worth writing about. I’m on the cusp of a major shakeup that is undoubtedly going to give me some words to put out, and I’ve started viewing everything through the lens of Harriet the Spy—something to write about.
It’s tough, because I want to experience things for legitimate reasons—to bring myself to a new place, to learn more about myself, to experience other people—but it’s all laced with the thought of “the story.” There’s something that’s been happening to me for five months now that I try to look into the future about, to see the ending and get a jump on writing it. I know it’s going to be one of the authentic things to ever come out of me, but I’m probably ten years away from writing it. It’s life, you can’t predict it, just relay it.
So now I play the waiting game, while masterminding something that will make the wait all worth while. It sounds like I’m being purposefully vague, but I’m not. I’m only being as vague as life itself, because I don’t know what I’m going to write about in the future, just as much as none of us knows what’s going to happen when we open our eyes in the morning. One thing is for absolutely certain though, this well `has run dry because I have run dry. I’m in a routine that went off the rails and into a rut, so now it’s time for the shakeup. I have to get out, see people, do things.
A woman at work said to me the other day, “I say I don’t like people, but I really don’t mind at all.” And it’s been ringing in my head since—I’m the exact same way. I feel like I’ve just fallen for my own lie and keep myself sequestered, when all I need to flourish and feel amazing is good company.
This was some grade-A rambling. Let’s go dancing.
See you tomorrow.