I’ve been bored lately. Like, a new level of boredom. I am not one whom boredom can easily tackle, I get enough enjoyment from writing that it takes up most of my time, and I always have a TV shows on the go, or movies on a list to watch. Lately though, nothing does it for me. Other than these blogs, I can’t seem to write anything, there’s nothing on Netflix or otherwise that intrigues me enough to actually sit down and watch, and for some reason I feel unable to try to do anything else. It feels like some sort of rut. The snow that fell today makes me think that I’ve been reacting to a change in seasons, because as soon as it fell, I found a show to watch: The Jinx. It’s lovely so far.
When I think about this rut that I’ve fallen into, I know in my soul that it has been brought on by a secret, soul-eroding force. It hides in plain sight and has probably invaded your Instagram feeds, or even worse, your children. This maleficent, colourful assault is both catchy and car crash-esque; you can’t look away, and then you can’t forget it. The phenomenon I speak of, is best to be referred to as the Johnny videos.
You know, this shit:
These are hellish, non-sensical “children’s” videos that teach kids to lie to those they love, I guess? I don’t know, there’s a refrigerator in one of them that seems to be born of humans, and the whole neighborhood just waltzes into the house to get a piece of that sweet, refrigerated goodness. You may wonder why I didn’t just embed the videos in this post, so you can watch them too, but… I’ll get to that.
My obsession with these videos has gone through an evolution. I first saw a snippet of the video on Instagram, the fridge one, and had the same reaction most of us had: “wtf is this shit?” But, days later, I found myself googling the phrase, “yes papa,” in hopes of finding the full video—and I did. I ate it up over and over, my bewilderment slowly transforming into an appreciation for the absurdity of the whole thing. Then I moved on to the other video I’ve seen the clips of, the initial (and classic) “eating sugar?” video.
For days I would watch these every couple of hours, not realizing that I was eroding parts of both my mind and soul. I sing the songs in the car to this day, but that is seemingly because the hunt has become exhausting. Some time after these videos went viral and articles talking about how they were “visions of hell,” and “mind-numbing,” started becoming popular, the two (my favorite two) disappeared off the face of the internet. YouTube doesn’t have them, Dailymotion doesn’t have them, and I only know those two sites. Therefore, they are gone. That doesn’t stop me, like a sad and lonely whale in the sea, calling out for these videos night after night—thinking that maybe, just maybe I’ll find them and be able to get the rush of endorphins from the colours and a giant baby that I so desperately crave.
What a weird sentence that was. I’m going to clean the garbage from my mind with true crime and comfy blankets. See you tomorrow.
Writer, performer, producer and musician from Alberta.