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Ten Lists of Five

I’ve been wanting to write about what’s been going on with me lately, but to be honest, I'm scared of it. This is the first time in a long time that I approach the keyboard with fear and find myself unable to really say what I mean. I feel like a lot has fallen apart for me, and I’m still in the phase of shock and awe, staring at the pieces and wondering where to start cleaning up.

Ten Lists of Five

I’m a Quitter, pt. 1 (Day 3)

I suck at quitting. If the analogy I was using of cigarettes being dead to me is still being used, then I need to confess my necrophilia. Day one was a Friday, a bitch of a day at work on any normal week. I bought a pack that night. I leaned on the gum hard all day, but I had a super-embarrassing freak out at work and decided that I needed to be kind to myself because my mental health isn’t exactly on-lock right now.

I’m a Quitter, pt. 1 (Day 3)

Blog on the Backburner (or Vision 2019)

I’ve been embroiled in some things that have kept me from this blog for a little while now. It’s not just the typical, run-of-the-mill mental health crises that have kept me from the keys—no, this time it’s something splendid. I’m currently in the process of turning this website into something else.

Blog on the Backburner (or Vision 2019)

The Alignment of Ideals

I’ve been in a crisis for three days now. The one good thing that I can say has come out this is the writing. The pair of French-titled posts are my favourites, with Un Destin Inéluctable,” among the best things I’ve ever written. It’s uplifted me a bit and inspired me to really think outside the box more often then I was when it comes to this whole writing thing.

The Alignment of Ideals

La Souffrance de Dieu

You thrust your blade into the sky, piercing the fabric of reality and opening a seam to the edge of the universe. From where you stand on planet earth—one of the lucky few planets given life, a beam emerges from your blade and enters the space around us. It travels past the reach of the moon, through the solar system, out of the milky way and tears through intergalactic space. It may pierce other galaxies on it's way, but it's unstoppable.

La Souffrance de Dieu

Un Destin Inéluctable

A common occurrence in my life is the act of falling in love too quickly. Whether it be with a person, a work of art, an occupation, a skill or food, I am a victim of love at first sight. I have love to give, a trait apparently passed to me by my father; my emotions lay heavy on my sleeves and brows, showing all who look it’s burden.

Un Destin Inéluctable

PODCAST: New Years Eve Throwback: The Semi-Awesome Podcast

Original Description from mofudge.com, 2014:

Gather 'round as Tyler Fudge, Joel Morgan, Steph, Travis and Amo send out 2014 in style! Recorded live at Casa de Fudge in front of a captive audience of one, our heroes navigate the fun and games of "Walrus" and "One, True, Three!" Plus! A Massive, HUGE announcement for 2015.

Happy New Year from us here at The Semi-Awesome Podcast, and Mo'Fudge Productions.

PODCAST: New Years Eve Throwback: The Semi-Awesome Podcast

PODCAST: Fat Dog 2018 Roundup - Spoiler Free

When I thought about doing this, I truly did consider ranking it all, but I just can’t do that. There’s no way I could weigh Sorry to Bother You against A Star is Born. It’s apples and oranges, yeah, it’s all fruit, but you can’t make me choose. You make me choose and I’ll ask for fruit salad—every time. Therefore, both of these lists are done in no particular order. I wanted to keep it to five titles per category, otherwise this article would be super long.

PODCAST: Fat Dog 2018 Roundup - Spoiler Free

PODCAST: Kid Christmas

Today is Christmas Eve, and I’ve been up since four thirty this morning because, well, I’m a little kid. For twenty years, Christmas Eve was something I craved every December. Yesterday, as I sat in traffic, I thought about myself at thirteen—salivating for Christmas eve, my family’s big day. My dad owned a well operating business when I was little; Caliber Well Operators. He did well for himself and a few employees but was needed all the time.

PODCAST: Kid Christmas

PODCAST: Late December Feels

I’m a warrior standing on a battlefield. My armour is freshly cut and fit to perfection, holding to the muscles on my body like they were a part of my skin. Between plates, Kevlar and carbon fibre protect my soft joints from shrapnel, debris and the occasional blade.

PODCAST: Late December Feels

PODCAST: Christmas Media Controversy: An Opinion

This post contains spoilers for A Star is Born.

There’s one thing that really sticks out to me in the midst of the debate about Baby, it’s Cold Outside , the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer special, and Fairy Tale of New York, is a general lack of willingness. Willingness to even open one’s self to another point of view.

PODCAST: Christmas Media Controversy: An Opinion

The Future (or Metaphor City)

I’m sitting here listening to this guy named Brother Ali, it’s like Spotify knows that I like songs named after actors and gifted me with “Forest Whitaker.” It’s smooth, like a summer afternoon when the sun hides behind the tall buildings downtown and you get a bison taco on banic from the Native Delights truck. The wind shifts and pulls the sweat off your neck, letting you know it’s time for dinner. Fuck I miss Edmonton.

The Future (or Metaphor City)

PODCAST: The Christmas Pimp Learns a Lesson

My cane, made from only the finest novelty-grade peppermint, rested safely under my gold and diamond ring. My watch reflected the soft lights above us back in a million different directions, as did my jacket.

PODCAST: The Christmas Pimp Learns a Lesson

In Sickness and Caffeine

The last time I posted on this blog was the last time I felt apart of this world. It’s influenza season, and you know what that means—literally everyone and their mom is sick. Literally. I think I know exactly what let my bug through my (usually) impenetrable defenses, though, and it’s all my fault.

In Sickness and Caffeine

PODCAST: Steel Doors

I couldn’t have been more than thirteen, if that. My friend Tyler and I were inseparable during this summer and one afternoon we found ourselves at his father’s work place. We milled around outside while his dad disappeared indoors; I remember that it was hot, and the bricks of the building magnified the heat from the concrete, baking me alive.

PODCAST: Steel Doors

PODCAST: Two Days

It’s been a weird week and I’ve been trying to put out a post since Monday night, but I just couldn’t seem to wrestle one out of me. Last night I wrote to the point where I was happy with what I had put down—a far cry from Monday. But I figured I’d continue tonight and complete all the thoughts I started. I still have one more day of work, and then I feel like the real test will begin. I’m not sure what has made me feel this way, but I hope I can figure it out.

PODCAST: Two Days

PODCAST: Toxic Masculinity 1

I’ve been a little boy, I’ve been a teenage boy, I’ve been a young man, and now I’m trying my best to be a real man. I live my life in opposition to the more normalized, standard issued northern Albertan male personality type, and have made the effort to bring my style in line with my personality.

PODCAST: Toxic Masculinity 1

PODCAST: Sweaters

I came to the realization this morning that I like winter more than I ever let on. I think it started when I was little and saw the Empire Strikes Back. The opening scene with Luke on his Tauntaun, traversing the landscape of Hoth in a blizzard struck a chord with me. When you’re a kid in Grande Prairie, winter is all you have.

PODCAST: Sweaters

PODCAST: H.A.L.T.

This post was written on the eighth and I’ve been holding on to it since then. I’ve been scared to put it out, mainly because it was written in anger. A positive, transformative anger, but it didn’t start that way.

PODCAST: H.A.L.T.

PODCAST: White Terrorists

A few days ago, a twenty-one-year-old white male named Kane Kosolowsky set off two bombs in the basement of a Sherwood Park community centre. He was found in his car, suffering from a gunshot wound, from which he later died. The RCMP has indicated that the blasts weren’t related to a group or ideology, and that’s led to coverage like this…

PODCAST: White Terrorists

PODCAST: Sweaty Guy

I have one more shift, and then finally, after sixteen straight days of work with only two Sundays off, I can be free. There’s real poison in the ice cream now, and it’s in every bite. Even if my bite is as sweet as can be, someone at the table beside me is choking. It’s a stressful way to spend my days, and it does a real disservice to the headspace available, but hey—I suppose that’s work for everyone.

PODCAST: Sweaty Guy

PODCAST: Self-Pep 2

I wanted to get this blog done before I go to work for two reasons: the first being the benefit of having it done when I come home tonight, allowing me to just dive into my short stories, and the second is because I need to unpack this little shadow following me around.

PODCAST: Self-Pep 2