It’s 3:28 in the morning and I just poured myself a cup of coffee. Why did I get up this early, you ask? Well, my friend, the answer is actually that I haven’t been to bed yet. I’m reclaiming my night owl status today because I have Monday off as well, so if my sleep schedule is thrown right off, I can get it right back on track. There were a lot of moving pieces to my day, so time to write got lost in the shuffle. I just finished another piece of the current story that I’m working on and thought I should make a second or two to squeeze out one of these posts.
Today was weird. As a new divorcee, I no longer travel at the same speed as my family. Today was our Thanksgiving dinner, and it was a busy one. We have a new generation in the family, and now the gatherings of families are enormous. I used to have the same speed, but when I lost my second engine, I dropped back a bit. I don’t know how to talk to my own family anymore, and for some reason, having a wife gave me an in to my own family. She was a big help in social situations because, tonight, I felt like I didn’t know what to say to anybody. I left early, in a fanciful Irish exit that I still feel bad about, but I decided that I actually do better one on one with the folks. I need to get out of the house more, and tonight showed me where I can go when I get out.
All of this is weird. I want to write and become an optician. That’s literally all I want to do anymore, and there’s not a gotdang thing stopping me from doing it. The problem with this is that I’m losing myself to it. The people I work with are seemingly the only people I can socialize with easily, and I think it’s because I only ever spend time in two places: at home behind the desk, or at work. Soon I’ll be able to spend time with my dog, and she’ll force me out. We’ll be walking buddies and she’ll be a reason to quit smoking—because my health isn’t good enough (apparently), I don’t want to suffocate the lil’ pooch in the house here.
I have amends to make to some pretty important people—things that I’ve overlooked or have been completely blind to are visible to me now, but if there’s one thing my weird ass day has taught me is that no matter what anyone thinks of me in any given moment, it’s clear to me who I am. I learned this morning, through unfortunate circumstances, that it’s almost unshakable.
Also, today taught me that Big Mouth season two is pretty damn great. A lot of shows lose me in the second typically, but this one is just wonderful.
See you at a normal, human time, later in the day.