Almost a Week

So, what happened to this blog? Is it that I am “feeling better” in the scope of things, and therefore have less to write about? Is it that I’ve gotten lazy and away from the routine I set out for myself two months ago? Or, is it the fact that I’ve been watching anime after anime, running away from the very real problems that I thought were waiting for me up the road? I believe it’s a little bit of all three, but I’m done avoiding certain thoughts. A conversation on Tuesday night taught me that everything can and will be okay for me, and in the world around me.  I just have to stay true to myself, and everything else will fall into place.

With that said, I’ve entered into a new phase. It’s only now that I realize that when I started this whole thing—the daily posts, the medication, the separation; what I viewed as the new phase was just a transitional period. Now I have a new normal, a new baseline, a new future and a new outlook on things, unhindered by any outside forces and purely my own. Though, I do realize the real things that I have lost. I have lost my personality check. I have lost my grounding rod. I have lost a star in the sky, one that used to guide my intentions.

I’m fortunate to still have people in my life that can help me with these things I need, but I have to find the place where I’m able to check my own behaviour—recognize when the BPD is taking hold, as it does with my opinions on people and institutions. I can feel it coming, and that gives me hope.

I’m channeling every ounce of myself into writing fiction lately. I’ve been planning a short story collection and want to have five tight little stories to peddle off to people. That’s the real reason I haven’t been maintaining the blog as well as I should be. It’s hard for me to come up with even a starting point for a point like this when my brain is wrapped around the plot of something. Though, I look at other blogs that belong to people that also have full time jobs, and I wonder why I can’t just write something fun and simple. Why does an album review have to be so in depth? Why do the journal-esque posts have to go so deep? Can I just write five hundred words about why I like giant robots and move on? I think I’ve got to start. One of my favorite places on the internet, and one of the main inspirations in maintaining this site is Two guys in online writing that I look up to the most run this site: Damon Young and Panama Jackson. At any given time, there are articles that are just silly little lists, full on op-eds, some just straight opinion pieces—really anything these guys want to write about, they do. It’s the spirit that I’m missing on Fat Dog, it’s a lack of timeliness paired with a hyper grounded subject. I feel like I may take myself a little too seriously on the website.

I’m going to try to spice it up a bit around here. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow morning. See you then.